Handcock
by Abreaction
Summary: Tyki can't resist the urge to grab Allen's ass in front of the nation's most historic document.


The offer was too golden to pass up.

There he was, the perfect specimen, leaning on the dome glass sealing the Declaration of Independence from onlookers' defiling touch. His nose was pressed against the Plexiglas, fogging it with his breath. He bobbed as he bounced up and down on the soles of his feet.

There wasn't a glass casing around the part of his body that Tyki couldn't help but to gape at.

He was asking for it.

Now, it wasn't as if Tyki were a bad person, it's just that all men had needs. And damn, did he need this.

"I'll try to make it as inconspicuous as possible," Tyki mumbled under his breath as he felt a tingling sensation overtake him. He couldn't control his urges any longer. He couldn't resist the temptation before him.

The plan: He'd walk by. While he did so, his hand would reach out and "accidently" brush past _it_. The boy wouldn't know what hit him.

_Perfect_, The suffering man grinned as he produced one hand out from the confines of his pocket. With every step that he took closer to the oblivious boy, Tyki felt his nether regions rise up to tickle his navel faster. His glasses were riding down the bridge of his nose, but he didn't care.

His hand was lunging forward of its own accord, Tyki couldn't handle it any longer. He needed to feel his hand around the boy's butt. Now.

As he walked behind the boy, feigning interest in the document he was staring at (something the opposite of what Tyki had set his sights on), he was close enough to see the mist that the boy's breathing on the glass had produced.

They were close enough for the boy to not only feel his presence, but to taste Tyki's breath encircling his shoulder.

Tyki had to do this before the boy turned around and asked him why he was getting excited on his back.

Tyki leaned over, his hand coming up just enough to – yes, that's it.

"What the fuck!"

His wandering hand expertly hopping back into his pocket, Tyki turned his attention to the document beside the Declaration before the molested boy had a chance to turn around and disclose the identity of his groper.

"Kanda!" The confused boy shrieked, earning a concealed smirk from the unsuspected Tyki. "Did you just _grab my ass_?"

Tyki buried his smile under the collar of his unkempt shirt, and stifled his giggles by biting down on the fabric.

"What the fuck? I'm not even close to you," It was true. The man with the excessive hair who the boy was accusing of defiling him was on the opposite side of the room.

"I know it was you! I felt it!"

Tyki was dying now. His teeth were sinking so deep into his tongue that he felt blood begin to pool in his mouth.

"What do you want me to do? Call the fucking National Guard?"

The boy, from the sounds of it, wanted to murder this "Kanda" person. Tyki closed his eyes and willed for the laughter bubbling inside his throat to evaporate.

"_No_, imbecile. I want you to tell me why you took your hand and wrapped it around my ass!"

"You fucking idiot," The man named "Kanda" sounded exasperated, and it seemed to Tyki as if he wished he _were_ the one who had captured the cute boy's butt in his hand. "It was that creep."

The boy whirled to face none other than Tyki.

_Fuck_. Game over.

Turning around slowly to face his victim, Tyki offered a toothy grin. Unfortunately, the ends of his teeth were soaked in blood. The boy's eyes widened to such an alarming degree that it looked as if they didn't need a needle to pop.

"Holy shit," The boy murmured, backing up into the glass.

Tyki ran for it. As he tore from the room, he finally allowed the laughter that he had been leashing break free from the captivity of his throat and escape through his mouth. He was still in hysterics as he hopped down the steps of the National Archives, jumped into the hotwired car he had stolen to stalk the boy, and drove off into the sunset. Literally.

The boy was still staring at where his molester was a second earlier, dumbfounded.

"I cannot believe I just got groped by a vampire," He swallowed bile.

"You didn't get groped," A redheaded teenager (who had stopped staring at the Bill of Rights as soon as he had noticed Tyki's eyes locked on his best friend's butt) said.

"I didn't?"

"Nope," The redhead beamed, placing a hand atop his disturbed friend's white head. "You got _Hancocked."_

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The idea for this story was my sister, SunMikk's. She also created the epic win description. I simply wrote the story, she thought of it.

I hope you guys laughed as hard as I did while reading this. xD

POKER PAIR SPAM.


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